lesson learned #1

The most important lesson of 2020? Our time here is finite - I think we all learned that hard lesson, that is if we hadn’t already. Why is it that so many of us go years without seeing certain people until a funeral happens or maybe a holiday once a year? It truly is fucked up. The way the structure of our society has helped us rationalize how we prioritize things, prioritized people. It seems as though we all finally opened our eyes to the fact that our fast tracked way of life was in no way fulfilling what it truly means to be alive. The idea that we need to waste so much of our lives revolving around our careers and material possessions in order to be stand up members of society while putting our personal time for growth and happiness on the back burner is not what we were put on this planet for. Aside from the obviously bad things that came from the pandemic, covid gave us a secret gift. It gave all of us collectively one big mirror to look at the way we were living and only when the pandemic took away our freedom to see those we love did we truly realize how fragile all of this really is. We got a crash course in the age old lesson that Drake has been preaching since 2013 - YOLO. We were reminded that our connections bring us a very deep sense of humanity, creating memories matters far more than a paycheck, and these things we hold so dearly can be taken away very easily.

If covid brought you this realization than consider yourself blessed that it came only as a warning sign. A lot of times, it’s not until we loose someone we deeply care about permanently that we realize the magnitude of what it means for someone to be truly gone. At least, that’s how it happened for me. The photo above is of my grandparents home. It is where my mother and her siblings grew up. It is the place I spent many summers with family. The wallpaper covered walls have seen countless happy memories and heard decades of laughter. This very home is currently on the market for sale. In march, I lost my grandmother and quickly her mark on this earth started being erased. My grandma had a very long, colorful and adventure filled life with my grandfather. Yet within a month of her passing most of her earthly belongings were sold for the estate except for this house. A little over two years ago, I also lost my mother. My mom didn’t leave this world with much of anything in terms of possessions, yet somehow her and my grandmother’s material footprints looked almost identical with all that was physically left of them being some old jewelry and photos. Now I do believe that sentimental things do hold value and sure I wish I had some more tangible things of theirs I could actually touch, but that just wasn’t how my cards played out. After I got through the initial grieving process and I finally had a clear mind to sit with my thoughts about these two matriarchs I was suddenly filled with peace because I realized something. There is a bigger mark both these women left, one that can never be tarnished, sold, or deteriorated over time. It’s the imprint they left on those they touched and the actions they made in life that created change whether it be big or small. We often mistake the idea of creating change as monumental actions that affect a large amount of people. In reality, change can be seen in a spectrum of life choices from feeding your family every night to paving the way for women in aviation (like grandma did). Their actions had greater reach and longevity than any material purchase they ever made. When I look at this photo I realize that this house held a warm place in my heart and cultivated experiences that no one else is going to be able to recreate. Just like my relationship with my grandmother & mother. My future children will never get to meet their grandmother or great grandmother. More memories that could have been made in this house with them will never become a reality. So many things I thought I saw in my future with these two women will never be. And let me tell you, nothing will tear you apart more than realizing all of the things that could have been once someone kicks the bucket. Although these truths that are now apart of my story bring me great sadness, I know I can still share the things they taught me and the stories of who they were so that they can live on in the hearts of others. What I’m trying to get at with all this is we need to keep this self awareness brought on by the pandemic in the forefront of our minds so that at least when our loved one’s time is up we know we milked the sweetness out of every interaction with them. The moments we’re sharing with people matter. The memories were creating have no expiration date. And spending time with those we love is the most precious commodity.

You’re going to die one day and it doesn't matter what you believe happens to after you take your last breath, you’re still going to be leaving this spectacularly flawed planet behind. Not even just you, others you have come to love are going to do the same as well. Never stop feeding your soul. Soul are stomachless, over indulging is impossible. Keep yours bursting at the seams. Don’t let bullshit pile up in the front of your mind and make you lose sight of the fact that time is your most dysfunctional relationship of all with always one foot out the door. The ocean doesn’t save a seat for you to sit on it’s shores. The trees don’t cease to exist without you to tower over. The sky will continue to change colors till the sun burns out whether you're paying attention or not. It sucks that this place doesn’t slow down for any of us, but that is all the more reason to hold on tight, love right now, and savor every second.